Fire is the element most feared and avoided yet it is the most cleansing and clearing. Our feelings of passion and anger are described as fiery or full of fire when we express them without holding back. And sometimes that expression of passion is cleansing especially when we are fed up with our circumstances and our relationships. So some of you know I am a Gemini (an air sign) but many of you may not know that I am more fire than I am air, as I have 5 planets in Fire signs. So this in simple terms means that where ever the planetary constellations were in the sky at my birth certain planets were featured as dominate in the signs of Fire. Sagittarius (Moon), Aries (Mars) and also Leo (Venus) are all in my chart. So when I tell you I am fired up about something.....take me seriously! So I also have grounding Virgo (earth sign) as my ascendent which helps keep the fire balanced. So suffice it to say when people piss me off. A. It takes awhile to get me to the level of anger. And B. My response is quick and cutting in fact I used to cut off at the proverbial knees those who were unfortunate enough to illicit anger from me. This was when I was younger and not so in control of my fiery side when my mother used to call me the Guillotine Queen with boyfriends who were less than cooperative even with my very expansive Gemini qualities of allowing but when they crossed the line that was it..........done, fini, exit stage left and no looking back. Now as I have gotten older I have gotten soft and more pliable and forgiving which is a good thing and much more conducive to a calmer lifestyle which I have become accustomed to and yet sometimes things get to a level where I clear the decks and heads roll. Now mostly it is directed at my dog who refuses to stop digging holes in the backyard or my cat who yowls at me incessantly and refuses to use her cat box but will find any basket in the house filled with paper. But sometimes the anger is deeper and more profound. That conversation we all have with ourselves about how others treat us and what is allowable and what is not......or how long do we put up with treatment that normally we would be on our friends asses to not put up with and move on......So I am at that point. The point where I am telling myself enough is enough and really what is the point of continuing the energetic pull of people who treat me with less respect then the rest of the people I know care about me both male and female. Where the indifference is so acute and the disrespect is so evident as to show who these people really are and how they feel about me regardless of what they say, actions do speak louder than words. So the point of no return is a stance I almost never take but I do make exceptions and although forgiveness is now in my repertoire and moving forward in a positive way as well I find that eliminating those people who no longer resonate with my highest good just need to go and not come back. They need to stay gone unless deep apologies and remorsefulness is evident in their words and actions. And even then forgiveness is one thing but having them in my life in an ongoing capacity is not really an option unless they have decided to work on the very issues that caused them to be in a position to treat someone they say they love in such an unloving way. Having disregard and unkindness is not acceptable nor is a lack of courtesy. Now granted we were not all raised by Emily Post but there are certain accommodations we all make to regard peoples feelings especially those who have a special place in our hearts eg. our children, you just don't want to hurt those you truly love. Which brings me to the part of my anger which burns the brightest. I can not abide when people lie to me! It is like the worst salt in the wound of betrayal and unfortunately I am always underestimated in my ability to be intuitive and know when things are not as they seem. Even lies of omission are just as bad.......not telling someone what is happening and letting them possibly worry about your safety is to me the biggest middle finger to the heart of someone who cares about you that I can think of. Now this is par for the course when you are raising teenagers but when a grown person does this it is seriously time to exit. And the more disappointing is when they are indifferent to your anger and they claim they don't need to consider your feelings in any way, shape or form, that they are not going to honor your love and concern for them......this is the pain that gives way to fire burning anger. And I know that these are all reflections of how these people treat themselves inside and my sadness is profound when I have allowed them to treat me the same when I know better. So I have been pushed and pulled for the last time and am taking back the power I gave away by being so accommodating and understanding. My fire has risen and I am burning away all of the energy I spent trying to be something that would fit in with crazy demands instead of being myself, ironically my loving and affectionate self, the one most people would adore to be with and appreciate. So with a huge sigh and a sense of relief I let go and allow the ashes to fall and now will wait to emerge from these ashes as the beautiful, phoenix and find someone who appreciates my loving ways and all of my affection. And this someone will reciprocate in their own way their affection and love for me. And honestly I wish peace and joy for all those who push love away and treat it like a disease or something that is less than the amazing gift that it is. Love comes and when we reject it and ourselves and only keep the pain and suffering alive in our lives we become much less able to enjoy our lives and create happiness. So I will continue to wish healing for all those who have a difficult time accepting love in their lives. May we all find and resonate with the love that lives within us and see the beautiful reflections that mirror back to us all that we are.
Love really is the answer my friends! Bless it in your lives!
Rain, rain do not go away we need you so much today and tomorrow and the next day too!! Feeling like the energy has finally shifted just when I was thinking that I would etherically die of thirst......my soul has been longing for something that has been gone since I can't remember when. The feeling of joy and connection with an amazing soul was the very nectar of life and I felt that they understood me on the deepest of levels and yet they have slowly turned away from me. Maybe it was one of those soul contracts where I was to learn my own value through the heartache of being on my own while the other soul traversed their own life and I had to watch on the sidelines waiting for a time that would not come......a time I wanted to manifest where we would shoulder the burdens of life together and be a team. But some people are lone wolves and I am wired to be part of a pack and I still will seek that elusive life long mate that until now has been out of reach. I know what I want and am allowing it perhaps to find me...... But for now the rain is washing away my feelings of sorrow and despair at being left behind while standing in the rain watching someone walk away.
How many times do we allow someone to exit our lives before we say enough already? There are those souls that seem to be like the best addiction to our souls and they come and then go and the soul with-drawl is like the emotional equivalent of the opium addict. Why do we allow them access to our deepest selves only to watch them slowly and painfully withdraw? Even when they open their souls the widest only to close it and push you away. These soul lessons are my burden this lifetime and if you experience this too please know that the sun will shine on you again!!! As I look at the sun shining in my backyard I am trusting the angel guardians of my soul that they will not allow me to be pushed beyond the breaking point but I will walk right up to the edge of the cliff, contemplate jumping, but then finally and stubbornly release the burden of lifetimes of pain and watch the wind carry it away to be turned into something beautiful and free. What we all want is to experience love and to give love that is all......but some souls do not see this as the truth they think that the daily life, keeping the lights on and working 18 hr. days will keep them from the death that awaits them someday and the realization that connection was what was most important.....that love is all we have in this life to learn and every life since the beginning of time. "Love is the answer to all of the questions in my heart" Jack Johnson gets it and I feel this acutely. So how do we let go of those who are supposed to be in our pack that decide they would rather be alone? We let them go.....we love them and let them leave.....we wish them all the best in their lives and keep our hearts open and send them love anyway. So as I experience the dark night of the soul through it all I continue to love because that is all there is......unless we like Luke Skywalker are temped to give in to hate and anger and the dark side.......But I for one will not let the death of Obi-Wan Kenobi be in vain. So knowing that the love is inside of me and that the reflection is gone not the actual love I know I will be alright. But those reflections are so strong as to appear as the real thing. Mirrors are tricky that way. Especially when they physically touch you and it feels like you are home. To feel home in the embrace of someone who walks away feels like the heart is being ripped from the body, it tries to stay connected and the cord of attachment stretches until the emotional pain is unbearable and releasing is the only choice or insanity becomes the next phase of life. Then the pain of absence that dull, aching old pain that says you are nothing without the reflection, must be endured and that is the place where the soul fights for it's life to wildly punch into the air where the voices of doubt and condemnation scream their taunting's. This is where the crazy starts and the soul must look to the light for relief and help. The love that lives in all of us must be recognized and felt for ourselves.......even when we lose the battle of having our home walk away. So as the rain starts to fall again the tears follow suit washing away the pain and the healing of the soul begins. And as the loss is felt and sadness matches the clouds in the sky we must hope that the soul that walked away, our home away from ourselves, sees the truth and returns someday to tell you they understand now what the value of your love is to them and bring you into that embrace and the return of the home you have always yearned to return to, the shelter of their hearts and as you draw them into the shelter of your own heart you let them see the love that never left but was simply in a beautiful box within your own heart longing to be opened. For hope springs eternal and love is always the answer so we are always protected even when we feel that all is dark and despair will never end.........the angels know the truth and now so do you!! So when the pain seems too much to bear and the rain of your soul pours look for the rainbow it is always there you just have to look for it......
To the love and to the pain. May we all keep moving forward towards the light and the truth. The darkness will yield to the light it always does!! Sending you all love, feel the truth within you........
My soul is a wild wolf who roams the inner landscape of my life. It is the part of me that does not ask for permission or acceptance but brings clarity and definition to any situation. And I have kept her too long in the shadows and cowering in the corner of my psyche pacing back and forth wanting to escape the prison of my limited thinking. I now have released this beautiful creature into all areas of my life where she can run in the meadows of my mind and roll on the grass and drink from the river of emotions that dwell in my heart. Here she will thrive and recover and join her pack and the mate that has been waiting for her to return to herself. It has been too long that she has been caged and not allowed to live in freedom and choice to wander where her heart longs to go. What does this wild part of my soul tell me? I am just learning the language that she speaks, her howls of greeting to her pack and the long howls that she sings to the full moon. We are just learning to co-exist together in freedom again in this body and she is patient with me as I learn to not be afraid of her strength and fierceness. She will push me to persevere through difficulty and not give up on my dreams and passions. I will feed her my love and admiration and walk with her through the forest of my mind and let her lead the way to my Avalon the beautiful place within that is home and hearth. Where I am always accepted, loved and given the tools to use to continue the work I have set out to do on this planet. To guide people to their own inner homes where peace and joy reside. I am ready for the journey home to myself and so glad I have a trust worthy wolf companion at my side. May you all find the wildest part of yourselves that guide you on the path home to yourself. This woman is grateful to the Powers that be that brought her to her knees to show her what needed to be released within me. To all wild urges that live within us may we feel the freedom of truth!! Release your inner wildness to find your way back to the truest and most vivid part of yourselves!!
Blessings to your wild and fierce selves!!
My mission is to help people become more in tune with their own Soul Spirit plus Spirit Teachers and Angelic Guides resulting in clarity and awareness of the Divine that lives within!