Today feels like a cup of second day coffee.....you know the flavor is not as bright as that first cup of a new pot of freshly made coffee. Adding creamer to the already slightly creamy coffee of yesterday tastes like it is missing the point of being a cup of coffee......you know just ok...Today is like the faded memories of long ago when things felt vibrant and alive and unpredictable. That fresh first sip of hot beautiful flavor. So what do we do with second day coffee? Well, as I sip on mine I contemplate and sigh feeling glad that there isn't any drama or crazy life stuff showing up. Maybe second day coffee days are good. Maybe they serve us to relax and pause in our contemplations of the inner world where our soul seems to have taken a day off of evolution and intense growth. That could be a really good thing. So why do I feel like today holds no excitement or rush of emotions that draws me in and keeps my Gemini brain occupied? Am I just an emotional junkie waiting for the next fix of deep longing and sadness or the rush of the happiness that roller coaster speeding down the biggest fall before the loop de loop? Sigh.....well today is not the day to figure out such deep things. As my mother used to say she is a "Wednesday kind of gal". She was the Cream of Wheat, happy morning mom who was fully engaged in her day to day life that involved getting the kids to school, then doing her house wife tasks before picking us up from school and schlepping us to various activities. So this second day coffee would suit her just fine. And If I have learned anything from her I would just drink it in peace and not look at it with disdain and dissatisfaction. And I do want to accept the second day coffee for what it is.....a reflection of the now. The soft and uneventful meantime which is the here and now. But my mind takes me to those Himalayan top of the mountain places where my body and heart are on the best kind of high......love and it's all consuming rush of emotion. So here I am wanting to feel the deep affects of that Goo Goo Dolls song Iris "And I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they would understand, when everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am." So maybe the second day coffee is a sign that the train is in the station and everyone has gotten off and is headed in their respective directions as I am standing on the platform of my life while people walk by me with their lives in their brief cases as they stare at their phones or laugh with friends or greet colleagues and I am silent and alone with no one arriving and I am not leaving the station.......just waiting, waiting for something, something that I don't have a clue about. Where is the destination of my life going? And that is not even the question to ask on days like second day coffee days. These are questions for fresh pots of steaming black liquid that when you take that first sip enters your mouth like a burst of the best kind of drug, with that hot and satisfying orgasmic moment that brings you that high of the day as the thoughts rush in and the emotions soar on that moment where perfection is in the flavor of that first sip. Sigh, so that might be tomorrow but not today, Today is a second day coffee day and that's ok. Maybe the day isn't done with me yet and good news and exciting plans will form to give me the hope of a new day that will have fresh coffee written all over it. In the meantime I am present with the quiet and uneventful Thursday that is this moment. The rest of my life is in the unwritten annals of time where the ethers are not done with it yet. And the mental pen in my head is resting on the desk of my mind waiting for new thoughts to arrive and create what is yet to be.
Enjoy your day even if it is a second day coffee day, my friends, there is wisdom in the cup!!
Life feels like a flowering spring garden with a sense of peace and satiation that is my life right now. I feel the tendency to hold my breath and close my eyes tight to hang on to the moment. But like a bird caged I must open my eyes and the door of my heart and set myself free to move into the next moment of continued bliss and profound deepening of love and growth. And like a new bird to flight I am careful with my wings and fly in a circle looking to the door of the cage and the safety or perception of safety it provided. Now I am free to fly and dip and glide in the breezes of this soaring feeling of air beneath my wings, the love that lives in my heart. My heart is so full and yet I am not in the garden yet with the one whom I think of so often. The distance and journey we have begun is one of a "Thousand miles" but we have taken that first step and continue to move forward on this garden path. I am dizzy from the fragrance of the flowers there and the beauty that I behold. The air is alive with his presence and yet hidden from my sight. I am held in suspense for when we meet again and paint the picture of our journey together in vibrant and varied color. I will be his muse and he the painter. I will be the kite and he will be the string and together we will fly in the sky of warm summer breezes. The oceans of waves of our love will ebb with this tide and the shore will be our playground. The music held between our hearts will play like a symphony and feel like the most amazing ballad ever sung. The garden of my heart will burst forth the flowers of the energy that is brought by the most amazing soul that I have had the privilege of knowing in my life as a companion on this garden path and journey of life. I am blessed. I am blessed. I am, I am, I am..........
Forget not that the earth
delights to feel your bare feet
and the winds long to play with your hair.
How do we free ourselves from the entanglements of self doubt, lack of self worth and putting others opinions about us first and foremost? This is what I have had the opportunity to explore and embrace. The visceral soup of emotions that surface telling us to look deeply at a wound that has just ripped open the stitches of ignorance, self placating and lies we tell ourselves to cover the pain can be a poignant moment of taking back our power. So giving myself a time-out and beginning to look deeply at staunching the bleeding wound is the first step. How do I do this? I move into deep self care. I ask "what do I need in this moment"? Do I need to eat, rest or take a bath with epsom salts and essential oils of Lavender or Clary Sage to reduce the intensity of emotions that are threatening to cause me to lash out in anger at someone else? And If I do lash out what am I telling myself? I am saying to my most vulnerable self that they are the source of the problem and they are the only ones who can fix me!! No this is not the truth people..... WE are the source of all solutions to our own emotional quandaries!! We must take the power back and love ourselves with deep compassion and carry that wounded part of ourselves to a safe place of quiet, calm love. Loving ourselves back into the healing state of peace and tranquility where we see ourselves as beautiful, amazing souls who walk with grace upon this earth doing our best. Then like the phoenix who emerges from the fire and ashes we get to fly with our big beautiful wings into the sky and glide on the air currents of our own breath and become our highest selves remembering who we really are which is Divine beings in human form here to love our selves and others who we come in contact with everyday. LOVE is the answer here......to deeply love ourselves and too deeply love others to the extent of moving past comfortable vulnerability. To expose our under bellies of pain and shattered dreams that live in the beautiful parts of our soul. To show someone our soul with all it's imperfections and beautiful prisms of color that live there is the most important gift we can offer each other and it is all that we are, just energy in the form of a body that feels these myriad of emotions and sensations. This body that longs to be touched and healed to feel the love of someones else's reflection of me in their eyes and for me to reflect back that beautiful soul to them as well. This is the work of loving someone and loving ourselves through the process. So when you look at your lover look deeply into their eyes until you find yourself and then love them more. Show them the ultimate love by taking care of yourself and bringing yourself to a place of compassion for all the imperfections you think you have and all the doubt and fear that lives in them. Show them who you are by your willingness to open your heart up bigger and more exposed than ever before. Rise into the light of who you are as a Divine being not just a human being with flaws but a God and Goddess with the power of beauty beyond anything that this world has to offer. SHOW them THIS part of you and let the rest fall away into oblivion. Merge with the one you love by loving yourself more and more deeply. This is the way out of the emotional entanglements of insecurity when we make someone else's reflection of us more important than the one we have of ourselves. So look at you and love you knowing that you are Divine and nothing less than perfection. KNOW how much you are loved by the Divine and that that spark that lives in your soul is perfect and defines you as a being here having a human experience.
This is dedicated to myself and the one I love, may we learn to love ourselves more and more each day and reflect that perfection back to each other.
Blessings beautiful souls!!
Sometimes I find myself as cynical and bored with this particular time in the history of our world and I fantasize that there are much more interesting times in history that illustrate the theme of hero's or champions, men who created their lives from their hearts for the good of all not just themselves. Where are the Robin Hoods of our day? Well I have been reminded of this theme by 2 men in my life and I am feeling much more encouraged that there are men who can reach deep into their hearts and find the strength in feeling their way through the darkness and the wild places that live inside. The first man who inspires me is someone who has consistently put others first and taken care of his family sacrificing his life for theirs and even his heart at one time. He keeps going and never gives up and keeps finding new ways to help those who are in need of his strength and ingenuity. He never stops dreaming big and holding onto and developing ideas that encompass helping those who need help. And while I know this is one example it is because of this example that I can see that their are still Champions in this world. The world that I often denigrate as un-evolved and full of self serving autocrats who break down the forward motion of heart centered living. The Donald Trump's of our current historic genre who are full of all that I see that is wrong with men of today. So my heart is so thankful for this man I know who illustrates the exact opposite of this very sick mentality. Today I have hope that there are champions who can show my son that being a man is not just putting one foot in front of the other in mindless drudgery but digging deep into his heart and finding that rich decomposed soil from the heartache and mistakes he has made that lives in his soul to plant the perfect seeds for his future. I hope that my son will get to know this man so he may see what is possible in this world of ever changing and technological focus where social media is the connection we make with each other. Where the lives of animated characters play a bigger part in the children's lives rather than real people. They find their hero's and the villain's in a world that is not real but becoming their reality. The lost boys who do not see the real men who live and create their own reality and make a difference in the world. The world is a much richer place now and even though my son has lost a much loved mentor, another champion, who showed him a world of nature and the beauty of humor and the men that were supposed to be role models have shown him only broken and dysfunctional coping mechanisms I see that he can find good men who show up in their lives and the lives of others and bring their broken dreams to life. My brother is the second man who inspires me and he has heard the call of his soul and has become an amazing artist, (the images at the beginning of this blog are 2 examples of his amazing art). He is a man who sees life as an endless canvas of potential with color. He shows his heart and the pain of life with his art and has healed the wounds that lived in his soul. With his art he speaks to the world and tells us a story of life and the reflections of his world. These men are the hero's of our times, the men that can transcend the mundane and bring amazing to the table of life. Now I can see that my son can be a whole and complete man in spite of the difficulties his biology brings to his experience. He can transcend the theme of addiction and depression and become who he wants to be and who he is meant to be. Life is a little lighter today and I have hope for my 20 yr. old son that he will find a way to be a good man who is heart centered and not self serving or self degrading. This woman, this mama is hopeful again that her one reason for living for the last 20 years will find a way to live a life worthy of his amazing heart even in spite of the difficulties he has to overcome and may continue to encounter in the future. Tears that fall are the tears of relief that he does not need to follow in the footsteps of others who came before him who did not open their hearts but closed them off with addiction and anger. He can trust and feel and bring his brilliance to the world; he can find the strength to be who he is meant to be. So with a thankful heart to these men I know who are the examples of the type of man I would like my son to become. The warrior's who keep fighting to keep their hearts wide open to their own needs and that of their world and those in it. They are being the change they want to see in the world.
With a heart full of thanks to Wallace and Andrew for being strong men!!
To find out more about Wallace's art go to wallaceisart.com
My mission is to help people become more in tune with their own Soul Spirit plus Spirit Teachers and Angelic Guides resulting in clarity and awareness of the Divine that lives within!