My favorite magazine of all time is Victoria and usually has all kinds of photos of beautiful things and beautiful places to visit. They feature a wonderful array of locations throughout the world from Verona Italy to London England to Cambria CA. USA and homes or stores that feature a by gone beauty and architecture. So the latest one that arrived is about welcoming Autumn, which is my favorite time of year. And as I was reading one of the articles a phrase caught my eye "I want my life to be a theatre for my dreams" a quote from Wendy Addison who owns a unique store in Port Costa, CA. Her store is a tribute to a life long love of all things Victorian and antique. She was quite young when she decided to begin her collection which eventually turned into a store. And as an artist she uses all manner of antique processes including an 1890 Challenge press. This dedication to a passion spoke loudly to me and the question formed in my mind "What am I passionate about?" And the answer was simple and so obvious, people. I am a helper of mankind and always will be. My business is all about bringing illumination to peoples lives of what they are not seeing clearly, from my Wisdom Readings to my Body, Mind & Soul Mentoring. But this is what I do with my energies to fill my day with a sense of satisfaction that I have been of use. Being of service is such an important aspect of my personality. And I have recently learned that I can be of more use when I am taking care of myself and my own wellbeing carefully and with attention to what it is I need from my body to my soul to my mind. And when I ask my soul what it needs I hear this soft voice behind all the ruckus in my mind......it says, love above all is the most important thing, partnership, connection and day to day interaction with a loving relationship. I was surprised to hear this voice as I have been a solitary person for so long. I raised my son by myself and tried to make it work with a few tugs that pulled my heart strings but they did not last as the road was a challenging one to navigate while being the only parent in the day to day activities with my son. So I made the choice to raise my son and focus on his well being and put my heart on hold. This was a huge challenge as my heart just wanted to be shared with someone who was available to receive and give to me in return. After a very challenging "work" romance that almost destroyed me, I swore off the entanglement of the heart and moved to another city and forward to take another job and felt extremely determined to focus on the job at hand and my son and yet the Universe had different ideas and on my first day I met someone that would change my life completely. It was a connection that was undeniable....you know the kind where you feel them walk in the building without actually seeing them. You know when they are near and walking towards you even though your back is turned. The energetic and karmic tug on my heart and soul was too much and even though he was in a relationship at the time he eventually approached me and we shared moments of connection in the midst of a work environment that were full of fire and passion. Even though we often were just having a conversation in the chip aisle of this store we knew we were really speaking a language of lifetimes of knowing one another. So when it ended and he chose the other girl to marry and entered the military I was again alone to pick up the pieces of my life and make lemonade out of lemons. But he never forgot me and I never forgot him. Years have passed and it seems to be that we continue to enter each others lives periodically. This last time was different as we had become very different people but the deep underlying connection was still there even though the military had taken some of the happiness away and the divorce was weighing on his heart. I was healed from a misunderstanding that had plagued me for 7 years and we were moving along a beautiful path of connection and meaningful collaboration. But fear entered the picture rearing it's ugly head and throwing around dark and foreboding images and promises of the return of the plague and slowly doors to his heart began to close and in desperation I started to throw rocks at the wall and tried to break it through sheer force of will. But this only proved to create stronger and stronger reinforcements until the path we were traveling became a tangle of weeds and bushes tearing at our skin and clothing. Darkness and mist entered in thick layers of misunderstanding and we lost each other. When I finally emerged from the forest I realized that I had left my heart in that tangled briar of anger, sadness, judgement and words which were said that can not be taken back. So how does one live without ones heart?? I have decided that the only way to recapture my heart is to go back into the forest and search for the lost connections the beautiful threads of light that linger in the wake of this storm. Even though I may not ever find him again I will find my heart and find connection that is beautiful and meaningful but the knowledge that we did find each other again and again perhaps we might be graced by the Universe to find each other in that sunny field of swaying grasses and tall oak trees will never leave my consciousness. And in the meantime I will honor that soft voice speaking to me underneath all the loud cacophony of traffic that fills my head that love above all is the most important thing, partnership, connection and day to day interaction with a loving relationship. And if it is to be with this man whom I know I will always love and yet do not always understand and if we heal our connection then I will be grateful for the opportunity. I mean 3rd time is a charm so I hear.......
Well here's to our heart's longings my friends!! Do not give up on love and love will not give up on you.......
All my blessings of love to you,
My mission is to help people become more in tune with their own Soul Spirit plus Spirit Teachers and Angelic Guides resulting in clarity and awareness of the Divine that lives within!